Learning to let go of Super Woman

By Kristen Lavigne

To say my life is busy would be a severe understatement.  I have three young children, and more then enough responsibilities.  Most of my days are spent moving through the long list of things to do.  I am a Mom, so my list is very long.  This will not change while my kids are young.  It is my job to nurture them as they grow.  I will love them and provide for them so when it is their turn at this whole adult thing, they will be well-rounded individuals.

As of late I had gotten myself in a rut.  I have been suffering from what I call Super Woman syndrome.  The obvious characteristics from this syndrome are being delusional enough to think you can do it all, and save the world at the same time.  I have been riding high, living this delusion.  When asked to do something I always seem to say yes.  I believed if someone came to me seeking my help then it was my responsibility as a conscious being to provide that person with the help that they sought.  What I began to notice is there was a lot that needed to be done.  It seemed like everyone needed help everywhere.  Well about one week ago my body said, ‘enough is enough girl’, and it shut down.  I spent three days crying and sleeping.  At the end of the third day I stopped sleeping, I stopped crying, and I began listening.  That is the biggest problem when you suffer from Super Woman syndrome.  You stop listening.

My body had been sending me signals for a while that I was doing too much.  I had insomnia, and my weight was creeping up.  I didn’t notice these signs because I was too busy forcing myself through my long list of things to do.  I believed that I could accomplish everything I set out to do.  In a way I was partially right.  I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind to, but I didn’t notice what I was losing by forcing everything to be accomplished.  By becoming Super Woman I forgot my one truth, and that is to live my life as one long meditation.

In meditation you do not force an experience.  You just let it happen.  You become the ultimate witness.  When a thought pops up in your head you just witness it and let it float on by.  There is no force to meditation, only allowing.  You do not attach yourself to your thoughts, nor do you judge them.  In meditation you learn just as much from witnessing as you do from silence.  So if you try to force your thoughts away during meditation you lose the whole experience.

By forcing my way through life I was in many ways missing the experience of my life.  I was just doing doing doing, but never taking the moments in.  My body could only handle it for so long before it just had to turn itself off.  Once it did that I had no other option but to listen.  I looked at my life, and at who I am, and then I asked myself this one question.  “What is it that I want out of this life, this experience?”  I looked at my life at the current moment.  Was this what I really wanted, a life so crammed full of things to do that I missed the whole experience.  Did I want to live a life where I am so consumed with helping others that I never take the moment to care for myself?  The answer of coarse was no.

Having come to that conclusion, then came the hard part.  I had to let it all go.  I had to let go of Super Woman.  I had to let go of the person who said yes to everything.  By letting go of Super Woman I had enough room left to be just me.  There is no force in being me.  I do what I can, and I try to be there for my fellow man.  The difference now is that if something is asked of me now that will prevent me from being me, well then I have to say no thank you.  My one job on this planet is to fully experience life as me.

So who is Kristen?  Well at this moment I am a Mother, a yogi, an artist, a wife, and a conscious being.  Who I am will evolve from day to day, but in every moment I will be me with no force to it.